Pants 0. Shit 1.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
