I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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