First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
