I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
