i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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