Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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