Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
