I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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