Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
