so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
