I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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