Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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