I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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