Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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