That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
