Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
