I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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