am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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