you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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