I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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