I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
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And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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