i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
