Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
