Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
one might say we're banned from that church
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
