So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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