I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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