The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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