So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
