Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
