I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
