i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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