I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
