So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
