If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
