just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
