her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
