your thong is hanging out like whoa
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
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