I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Mom said you looked used
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
