Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
