too bad you live with your parents still
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I enjoy the company of your penis
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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