Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
