The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
