I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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