yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
