So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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