Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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