thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she peed on how many people?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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