He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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