why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
