I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
