She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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