Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just cut my nipple shaving
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
