I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
