Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
