hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
