Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
