Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
