I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
