Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have aggressive nipples.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
