gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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