When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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