just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She told me I should be a condom model.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just pee around me
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize