He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
