So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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