worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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